I sat and talked with a nutritionist who recommended I start by going through a detoxification process before we start with the health and fitness lifestyle make over. Of course she failed to mention the extreme headaches you have. I was told "There may be a slight discomfort for the first few days." Oh it is a slight discomfort alright. My head is pounding ever so obnoxiously.

Apparently, detoxification (detox for short) is the process by which the diet is changed and manipulated so that the body is allowed to excrete excess toxins. These toxins build up in our systems for a period of time and if the body is unable to excrete them, they are stored in the fat cells of the body. By dexotifying, the body is allowed to release these toxins an thus, gives the body a better chance of burning food, fat and calories with better efficiency. Many of the symptoms of detoxing replicate withdrawl symptoms. The headaches, the body aches, the fevers, cold sweats. It is interesting to see how fast the body changes with just a simple change in food. Right now, I am only allowed to consume fruits, veggies, brown rice, quinoa, fresh cooked (non-refried) beans, legumes and a hell of a lot of water. I have to tell you, a gallon of water a day really gets you moving. Oh lets see what happens in the morning...if I ever wake up.

After battling LA traffic for an hour and sitting on the phone with my sister trying to find what hospital I should go to, I finally make to Anaheim. Without any idea of what hospital to go to, we decided the best course of action was for me to stop by my dad's house and see, if by chance, they were there. My lucky day, he had just pulled a few minutes before I got there.

So why am I so scared? Well, I had a deep down feeling that there was a good chance that diabetes ran in our family. Well, yesterday my dad went to the emergency room with a blood sugar level of 397 mg/dl. (For those who do not know, you blood sugar level should be between 80 and 120 mg/dl...397 mg/dl is considered an emergency). Well after an IV of D5W and insulin (standard treatment for high blood sugar), my dad's blood sugar started to come down. Add to that he has pnuemonia and a urinary tract infection, you can see why I pulled myself out of bed. Fortunately, the doctor decided my dad did not need to go on the injectable type of insulin and sent my dad home with a prescription for an antibiotic.

My dad over the past couple of years has been battling several health problems. Among them his weight. His son "inherited" his eating problems and habits. I look at food as a comfort. As something you do when you need to feel better about yourself. My dad on the other hand thinks food is something you do when you are bored. So, in his logic, if you are never bored, you never eat. Unless of course you are with family or friends, then eat to your hearts content. That is what family and friends do.

As much as I hate to admit it, my dad and I are alike. We are hard headed at times and we can get set into our ways. Only when something extreme happens, do we change. It takes a small act of God to get my dad to admit he has a problem; and it takes a complete aligning of the universal cosmos to have my dad say "I need to go to the hospital". My sister and I thought he was close to death (and when I mean close I am talking on a first name basis). All the time we sat discussing all the medical issues and the results of the tests and just light family catching up, all I could think of was "If I don't do something now, I could be in the same boat, or am I already there?"

Well, I didn't want to do it, but I decided it is in the best interest to start. I got onto the scale and my heart sunk. I am now 205.6 pounds and a ghastly 32.2 BMI (Body Mass Index). My heart sunk. How could I have gotten so big so fast? According to the website http://www.nhlbisupport.com/bmi/ My Body Mass Index Scale should be somewhere between 125.0 and 168.5 pounds. So just for me to be in the "healthy" range, I would need to lose 37.1 pounds. The last time I weighed 168 pounds was when I left Army Basic Training in the early 1990's. Now I have to shave off 37 pounds just to get back to what I was then. With all my complaining and bitching about the military and what it puts people through, I guess there are a few things they know and understand; body weight ratios is one of them. Though, in my defense, I have never had a nutrition class or a class on how to maintain a healthy weight. No help with the feelings I have around food, about food, or myself for that matter. It pains me to see that scale and to see the blob of fat that has gathered around my middle.

I am at the point where I am not aure if I want to continue with this or if it is even a good idea for me to start the task of cutting 37 pounds from my body. And I am at that point and I haven't even really begun the process. There is a mental upheaval in me, and all I have done was get a scale, get on and decide I want to loose weight. There is a saying "The hardest thing to do is get started" and in this endeavor, it is rearing its ugly head. I just hope this is the hardest part of this whole thing, but we will have to see. I would say "wish me luck" but I don't think luck will have anything to do with this. I think me getting control of my eating will involve me getting control of me.

But, I do know that my knees, hips and lower back are in constant pain. It is difficult for me to step out of my car without great effort. I look at my dad and sisters and see the health problems we have. Type II diabetes is a big fear that is driving me to start this long, emotionally tasking process. The issues of heart attacks, congestive heart failure, arthritis, lack of energy and the possibility that some day, I may not be able to have a family or be here to see grand kids should I be given the opportunity. But how do you combat the fear of these with the emotional and psychological crap that surrounds food? It is hard for me to fathom this process and I give the greatest respects to those who have dealt with this battle and succeeded. I just want to know, can I?

As like many people, I have tried every diet known to man. The Atkins Diet, Protein Power, South Beach Diet, The Master Cleanse, Counted Calories, Measured Food, chopped everything into bite sized pieces, ate only salads, complete vegetarian, drank cabbage soup for weeks at a time. I have worked to implement these into my life and I still wind up falling off the wagon and gaining more than I lost. the roller coaster of instanity has plagued my life and I have been searching for answers that I am finding difficult to answer.

I know when I eat, and I don't always eat when I am hungry. See, food, for me, is not about nutrition, but about creating a sense of worth or happiness inside me. Food is not about energy of nutrition, food is a way to connect to my inner self worth. When I am sad, I eat. When I am happy, I eat. Jealous, I eat. And so on. I know why I eat, I would just like to know, how do I stop it and become the person (inside and out) that I want to be?

This blog, as well as a video dairy I am recording, is that journey to answer these questions in me, and to help many others working to find their answers for themselves.

I know we have all seen the shows on TV that give people helpful hints and tips for weight loss, but there is more to this. I have followed these tips and I am still over weight. Cut calories and increase your workout. Worked great for a few weeks then I found myself sitting in McDonalds eating a double quarter with cheese. But, instead of saying, ok, I screwed up, I automatically became guilty and found myself in a donut shop buying a dozen doughnuts a half hour after my meal.

I am sick of the spirals. I need answers. I need to be healthy. I need to be better than this.

I know what foods I should eat. I know when and how I should work out. I have had personal trianers, personal food delivery services and a whole plethora of supplements and here I am spiraling. I have the theory, I need answers. I need help.